boxers by Sean Bateman9

particles        posted on Seans sexy dreamland...2/08

particles -- 

(today is the tomorrow that you worried about 

yesterday -)

particles

yesterday....

the danger of fading --

so many demons have spoken through me -

so many angels created me -- 

when you stand in the center of eternity where else can you go ?

the spinning vortexes I run to create - the blue ethers rising from the body - giving the particles color and form 

yesterday - 

there was a yesterday for me - wasn't there ??

a random dream of chaos - the poetic gifts of love -

the yearning that brings new tears -- 

the ever brightly muse - the pain that never arrives -- 

the tomorrows that promise grief and release -- 

or the continued tedium of wanting ecstasy ---

sorrow - cascades into the clear pool 

my body - birthing another form - 

the light through which my passing mind fades

the brilliance and running into memory -

the "holographic universe" seems more a curse than a revelation....

in my addiction to all the yesterdays - or my need that something become solid and matter:

I can promise nothing - I can not say whether I exist or not ....

-- in a moment of panic I consider that Iam alone -- 

completely alone and the only one in this universe and thus: have created what I have simply to stop the lonliness -- the entire universe spills out of me 

perhaps even you -- right now -- 

another possibility of course is descent into madness - or flight into heaven -- or another exploding mass of matter as of yet undreamed of...

>>>

is it you that imagines me ? and won't let go ??

Is it you sincere devil - or jealous angel who dreams of me - and seduces the light into becoming my form ?

that i were created by some sad lonely god?

a creation of love but borne from pain - 

chemicals and particles --forming into -- falling from -- always becoming the "today" that my body walks through - 

all the todays that become the yesterdays --- days and weeks and years all blur-- forever--

into something like regret - streaked by - color and grey -- color and grey -- and then all grey - leaving the template of memory

evaporating into light -- into lust, seething into dreaming into contemplation....

wondering why - god will not stop dreaming me -- 

the lightshow spinning yet ever - always - forcing:

forcing us.... to continue -- cruel because it can not stop- can not stop -- we can not awake -- somehow, happening --

forever ....

happening - 

the kind devils push us along with another promise....

I, in my deepest regret now know -- that i will never be: simply "nothing" ---

my clash with "nothingness" will simply open into another universe

a newer one 

that i will have to explore -- 

my sorrow is that I will always be "something" -- and this something will have a coniousness -- always contain

movement - always evolve -

how deeply i regret that i have birthed this light and cannot seem to escape it -- can not seem to end this dream -- can not seem to dissolve 

into particles -- can not seem to become 

nothing.

a question:

who created the first vampire ??

and why did it have to be me ??

>>>the other night i began meditating - trying desperately to dissolve and become, once again - nothing - 

and yet you appeared - 

you fed me light once more as I was about to step into darkness - 

if you could come back 

Id like to be in your presence ---

written for tim 

september 17 05

chants of light

6-14-06

today i feel oddly "high."

however...there is nothing in my system stronger than some potent amazon berries and wheatgrass...

i watch the motion of my wrist - jacking my ever greased - hard and huge cock --

up and down - wave upon wave - still and always amazed at the pleasure derived from such a simple mechanical act and movement...

and yet - the spiritual benfits are yet to be accrued...spinning me into a daydream of a stronger man who enters my room - mounts me and makes me sniff his armpits -- all the while he rides my fat - pulsating, throbbing and then spurting dick -- into the bullseye...

of his heart and soul -

in another time my cum would not allow him to take in my power, strentgh and light but today - i give him my all...his aura lights up...

thankful: he kisses me gently riding every last drop of juice from my balls...

and then he is gone....

today the weather is perfect. to stay inside seems the hieght of arrogance and indulgence.

like smoking when you know your healthy...

sometimes i think i burn a little too brightly for this place....

the angels are touching me now as i close my eyes...

sweet sweet siren song that seduces me into the land of forgotten dreams...

no longer lost in a world that doesnt value me...the colors are bright again...

i lose contact with my body and then the world explodes into a million chants of light --

the consummers and the slaves to the weather are all gone...

the haiku of humanity - eat - consume and blow up is about to end -- 

as the final explosion occurs i realize: my existence is the only validation i require...

the sno-globe of my limited reality is cracking...but out of it hundreds of white doves ascend...

i truly am crying because everything is so beautiful...

stoned on something i cant even give a name to...

the best high is when you dont need anymore...

a divine liquor swishing through my blood...

i cook lunch in my boxers. it's delicious...

posted by kirk @ Wednesday, August 30, 2006  

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