Spiritual Healing Arts Kirk Kerber

Kiel's life expired before me like a strange dream.... without the right chemicals to stop it.... life... a series of convoluted vingnettes ceaseless with irony and reticence a continued dramatic psychosis that promises healing, enlightenment....God and yet  at that time  all I heard were screams and silence and fire  out of control Kiel's poetry.... was soft chimes piercing the flames and in between the pain..... the question remained.... Where is the body.... golden and sublime? where? (awakened to a pain that belongs to no one....) (in friendship) torment and shame will kiss you often take you to  another fire another page a different book..... it reads like the diary of a human being I watched Kiel die for two years..... he was... a source of knowing in a world of secrets a constant wisdom a prepetual gratification Kiel's life....dissolving and burning  so quickly  I drank as fast as I could...... alone  my body sought solace and sacredness yet in his face I met life I ...

>>>dear -------- Christian... its six AM over a crisp clear -- biting cold manhattan sky... i awake -- my body nearly paralyzed from the two Ambiens the valiums and muslce relaxers and what? the mind numbing ideas that float in and out of me... and still I awake...NO -- still in the winter slumber of this month -- still I can not sleep.... I lay here...my eyes water... I can not cry --  I can not makes sense of the tne lifetimes that has passed beofre my eyes in this body... I'am a vampire... a child, a poet, words and images -- water rushing, all inside -- outside, around my bed... a calling... ten lifetimes.. other loves...many of whom -- still emmante from the body...as if our loving making transcends all time... as if it were alive...the eyes, the sensation of love -- pouring forth and about and around, like the hours...and the waters... filling up the room here... the hours... the flowers on the table - white, and the flames of my love, all my loves but one particulai...

when darkness chooses you... it chooses you and you alone.... in the night-time fever the bowels of pity and desire.... the wretched - wretched prison of the body... the soul - begging god.... when the blue attacks...to make you immortal... or the green murky - solidified pus of all your wounds comes home... when fantastic animals visit you in dreams... clawing to be born... when the knawing - non-stop low grade noise in your mind becomes a song.... drowning in the ocean -- evaporating forever and always... then death and blackness become rich.... and life - can not be seen  life can not be touched or soothed -  finally - plunging so hard and close to the bottom - one imagines in the most dreaded of horrors... horrors - of thoughts  the abyss of wanting and danger of touching... creating more and more pain but no -- no dis-ease to pin it on... resistence futile... every sunset escapes you.... kind flowers or sobs of children you hear no more.... then melancholy is surely your friend......

A strange pain....and  a better messiah... >>>>>>>> >>> Stare. Staring into the mirror... who is looking back ? ??? I dont know what i look like anymore... an etherial spirit of light gracing the heavens...? A lump of dust...walking toward my next death? evolved -  the enlightend...falling... in a spiraled journey homeward bound... Am I  A sad - desperate, tired consumer, lost in the media mire of self pity and greed and forever wanting??? i look into the mirror and see lost traces... of other lifetimes...pain, incredible joy - sadness... traces...of traveling... wandering... I see the residue of of things I threw away... things that always come back...Ghosts... Nghtly - nightly hauntings... I see a dream,  another life,  a vision - so faded that I hardly recognize what i wanted to be... like a past life.... past lives...people who are gone... reflections - passersby... nieghboors, my nieghboors - their grey-whiteless dark lost faces... painted with pai...

Dear Erin: print this and keep it forever... I was thinking fo you the other day.... we were working on the bar -- and you were telling me about six feet under  ive seeen every episode --  the other night for some reason I watched the final 7 minutes of the series on youtube..... it makes you cry....... makes you realize how beautiful and fucked up life and everything can be...... yeah I hoped you were ok and thought about all the things youve been thru and me as well...... what a fuking life -- weve had allready...... ill speak for myself..... even just knowing my pooch and getting her was a total trauma/drama..... and then seeing how beautiful she can be...... and when you meet her youll see how "special" she is..... truly..... people come over to her all the time on the street......and compliment her and say shes so happy.....!! ? and friendly......and gentle..... shes not afraid of anything !! it seems like a true angel came to me.... shes 12 pounds and sometimes when i y...