kirk poetry

all blog posts copywritten

2005-2008

hav a hard copy -- 

Saturday, December 16, 2006 

blog entry 

some saturday poems and stuff.... Current mood: horny - but not desperate... Category: horny - but not desperate... Writing and Poetry >>> it's a warm saturday in december -- I'am in the house here and feeling kinda weepy and sad and good and light...I'am listening to Damien Rice and feelin kinda stoned and wanting to give someone some love and be held...and hold someone with care...and don't know who that that is...and i am torn by my love and hatred for Jona, and all the boys i love and am inpsired by --- and all the poetry that seems to spill out of me at times like today... so i went through my lap-top and found some things I thought I wanted to share... old poems, past crushes and some other things I'll download for you now to share... yeah I just want to sit in my melancholy and roam....maybe through all the feelings and pain and love.... you are... christmas... the cool brezze the touch on the back of my neck... wet puppies escaping the bathtub on saturday... the softer kiss the first snowflake white irises white truffles chocolate ice cream the one to make me cry the one whoose warmth I treasure the pouty boredom that makes me crazy in love with you -- you are... >>>>>>>>>>> sept 05 covered in demons solace no more night of winter heat peeling skin reticence transformed >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> heres another -- an angry one: a fuck u to: all the catholic pedophiles who fucked innocent young boys in the name of jesus in the sacrement room -- and as an apology to all the young beautiful guys who never made it this far -- as far as i did because they werent mean enough -- hard enough - smart enough -- or maybe didnt have enough angels to protect them from the haters of the world -- yeah this is dedicated to all the queens who could'nt hide the fact that they loved a man or couldn't fall into line with the fascist gender personaes : and were beaten to a pulp and no one ever heard about it or cared -- and to mathew sheppard esp who as you know was hung on a chain link fence in a tiny little town ...left to die and suffer while so many self satisfied haters slept like babies comforted by the illusion that their "god" loved them ... yeah tonight iam red hot -- hot on fire in rage -- and it burns me alive -- and forces the blood into my wings -- making me stronger and more brilliant than lightning and louder than some screaming thunder that will ring in your ears always when you think of me -- it was either fall into the abyss forever or fly....like the speed of light -- goin fast--mother fucker -- dont blink or youll miss me across the sky--- my mantra was always: "the more they attack the stronger I become..." in this life -- it has to be... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> american beauty (a rough draft...) be like water... the carousel be like water -- be "at-ease..." its a balmy clear 74 degrees couldnt be a more perfect sunday afternoon in newport beach - california...a place called: "fashion island..." kitchen confessions - b/c everything happens in the kitchen -- i seem - today to have a strange -- in the zone -- too much coffe but not really wired and kinda blissful reality ---and a strange type of gait -- like: Hey man -- I'am in my 40s and I dont really care if Iam "older..." my balls are sagging to my knees and kinda heavy and my dick's swinging around and its kinda big -- and -- I'am kinda, wide eyed, staring at all the beautiful - beautiful boys and girls in their 20s -- oh my god, there so so beautiful and kinda tradgic and i was one of them -- well, i used to be -- i gaze upon them floating by with a glassy eyed stare...in this giant -- way too exspensive, outdoor -- southern Califonia mall... As i wander and pace around the carousel - it becomes well, it becomes really twisted -- yeah, all twisted but i like it - kinda like a strange, yeah, beautiful dream -- but like i said all twisted and painful like shiny glass... i need something to eat - i think of my mom up on the million-billion dollar hill with all the houses and shiny pretty lights and having all the confessions in the kitchen and i feel like iam going to pass out... I start to have an anxiety attack -- actually like everything is getting blurry and i think for a minute -- perhaps i might have a heart-attack and then stop and pray and affirm--- "I'am surround by angels ---" "I'am surrounded by angels..." and just then... I go to a concierge desk and stand there and then an angel appears -- same one as the one in the hospital almost a year ago. i shook b/c he heard me and appeared now behind the concierge desk -- with those, oh my god, light green kinda yellow - light blue eyes and brown hair -- full of that: unconditional love smile -- and i stated to tear up -- and he said -- "Can i help you...?" and smiled that clear perfect smile that only comes from god... i was so happy to see him again...this angel that appears to me - wearing disguises but really -- it's always the same angel... i see a tabacco shop sign but iam not sure where it is -- i wander further througout fashion island -- theres a hired "a chirstmas carol" type of family -- tiny tim -- and its so unbeievable - to see this -- the period type clothes...and three "dickens-esque" characters smiling and having their photo opportunity...in 70 degree weather... passing by me are: blonde, bolndee abercrombie-zombie, way too much plastic surgery, babes -- driving the ultra, ultra high end --BMWs and black raodsters speeding around the parking lot -- their hair is perfect and streaked -- the jewlery is perfect -- the cut of the blouses to show off the rack -- the very, very exspensive set of tits----- that look hot and kinda fake - and still really turn on the average "straight" bro and make them pay a fortune in dinners and cocktails simply to grace them with a pearl necklace -- ah yeah fuck yeah--- and this is really is the only place that women like this dont get a second look because there so many of them and really -- they all look the same - they all flip their hair to the side in the same way.... they -- -- all have: that pouty i'am so fuckin rich and bored -- kinda satisfied smile that says -- ah yeah -- fuck yeah - i got the cash and the tits and I'am still kinda young -- and I live in newport -- maybe did a line of cocaine or two with breakfast --- and now i'am gonna go shopping -- yeah i got the fur coat and i'll trade up on ur ass in a flat newport beach minute -- if you cut my allowance --- or don't give me enough diamonds...or treat me like a queen...for a minute two of them drive by and almost resemble two transsexual hookers on 45th street that i saw years ago --in hellz kitchen -- blonde and blue eyed...and ah, well perfect...and it all makes sense -- and it's all so beautiful... and yeah and I start to cry...and feel the ocean breeze and know that I'am home... I came home for the holidays... this is where I came from... but I'am no where near what I used to be....No -- I'am different now.... I'am still beautiful but in a different way...from the inside out instead of the the other way around.... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> In the silence -- an excerpt... in between the particles lies the silence the particles of our carbon and what we are a swirling maze of god of breath and life in between the particles there is the silence of renewal and regret grief and the ungraced page the silence allows the fragile and tender to escape knowing it's own why bringing renewal perhaps the divine the slience is our savoiur and curse it contains the only story and from the moment we open our eyes we can not bear to touch it >>>>>>>>>ok...well thats it for now -- thnkxx for reading -- warm and hugs and -- more k Currently watching :  A Christmas Carol (Original B&W Version)  Release date: By 02 Novemb