various writing by kirk and sean bateman

Original Post:

"The Question:

do you stay forever in the shadows or now move forward into the light ?

stay where you are "dying...but not really dying..." a half Zombie...afraid of the warmth of the light ?

vacate "Platos cave??" and leave everyone -- including what you used to be -- behind -- ??

heres some clues- whats next???

Sean -- age 46

occupation - sage in training...

sexual ? shaman....

ah shaman - of sorts -- the ah -- reluctant mystic....

my job...

being lost --

looking for something....

seeking...

asking questions....

marking my path...

telling others to go off the path....

telling others that there is no path....

telling others that -- there is no answer...

ah -- hey -- after 25 years of a "Spiritual journey..."

guess what ? god -- "God..." opened up---

I opened up -- found --

I lost -- my limitations of "God..."

as they say: "A God that can be understood..(really) is no "God" at all..."

you may travel your road and truly never know why....

a better question-- for those of you who are still asking questions...

the better question is: How?

God is unlimited -- which means -- in this body -- with a finite mind...

a mind that emmanated from the divine and will surely? go -- return there -- but is only a spark...of the exploding fire from which it came...

>>>the droplet of water from the vast sea -- the cosmic ocean...

hold that thought for a minute and then consider --

the chaos - of life in the material world -- with seemingly no order directing it --

then consider -- "Ravels' Bolero..."

a symphony of seemingly random instruments - all playing out of synch -- until the final "Movements..." pull them together...

what is that force...?

dare i say love ?

perhaps -- or the white hot pain -- scalding -- light of transformation -- into a newer form...

resistance....the devil card in the tarot deck...

or better the hanged man....

we wait-- in a hallway with no light - we have built and learned and asked and studied....and yet where -- what the fuck ?

the "Great Work..." the "Opus..." of our lives and journey -- elludes us ....

is elluding me...

i arrive at the Hanged man...

I hang in the balance....

i hang up side down....

pain -- fear and doubt -- all three demons...originating from the same devil of lack of faith...?

ok then -- Ravel's Bolero...it is...

I have ran here and there in chaos....searching -- desperate even -- walking through hell to find the most cherished -- thing -- my soul -- in the midst of being wounded -- having the wound -- looking for the pearl....waiting to steal it from the dragon that protects it....waiting to slay the dragon and take the prize....

yes...

the material world -- is the world of illusion...

the hanged man - upside down....

the world card -- right side up

??

clues ?

my job -- my occupation --

to be lost -- to mark a path -- to enter the towers -- and watch as the lightning strikes and destroys all world illusions....all feeble plans of men...

man plans and god laughs....

my hopes and dreams -- so it seems were limited and minute compared to what -- my higher -- oversoul -- soul -- higher self had -- has planned...

but

i had my heart set on ....fill in the blank...

and so it goes...

beyond your wildest dreams....

thats your next clue....

so i repeat...go ahead -- ah god -- goddess...you take care of the details...

let go or be dragged....?

maybe just -- let go -- again -- every minute...

do nothing -- be of -- "No action..."

let it shift -- a slight shift in perception....

coupled with some divine guidance....timing....and an open mind....

relax - the hallway is not half bad -- and yes i can tell you that yep -- being stuck is part of it....god is kind of predictable - if truly unlimited....in it's range and scope to accomadate my fears --

fears...

the hallway...in the meantime...my petty fears...trying to resist the ego's need for absolute -- destruction..humiliation....to manifest all my fears....

so my ego can be satisfied and energized yet again....

why ?

to scream all the more -- louder....

"I'am in pain...."

three energies -- I've noticed - always three:

call them what you like -- and seeking to balance these-- and pull the sword from the stone...

looking back -- pulling the child out of the shadows...

looking ahead...ah dark future...?

shooting for the middle??

now -- just hangin around -- and waiting for the right angel to come along...

the hardest part is waitng - for the Opus - to reveal itself....

what it wants to become...and dying in the meantime....

to become the greater....

into the mercurial waters of re-birth---a new birth --

all the false starts...

the Bloero instruments now tuned...and ready to mix...

harmonize....

harmonize....yeah -- yes....

all vibrate to the same - intention-- seperate...but maintaining their own integrity --

to be lost....to rescue that which was forgotten -- heal that which was wounded -- to see that yeah you had the power all along -- and that no -- in the realm of higher truth -- you really cant be wounded....

it was all a dream....

the music that surrounds us -- as a film score -- a friend - noted recently --

yes -- Is this where the hero of the story finally pulls the sword from the stone??

your thoughts....??"

the smokin hombre's Comment:

"

bolero - yet another subject where the entire world agrees except me. it's always described as pure ecstasy, but to me it's the promise of ecstasy. the same promise repackaged and spit out at the listener over and over. but never resolving itself. never really telling a story. just tittilating. like drug addiction. or all the 'thanks for add' comments with the naked man pix. is it possible for a person to not know what ecstasy is? seriously. maybe i have no idea about what ecstasy truly is. but my idea of it has changed. 'something' used to make me ecstatic. the bigger the 'something', the more ecstasy i felt. but now i feel ecstasy in the resolution. in the return to 'nothing' after the something. 'something' can not be maintained. and 'nothing' can not be avoided. so the only choice i see is between disappointment at the loss of 'something' or relief and the return of 'nothing'. power in foregoing the promise.

at times like this i wish andy warhol were still alive. everybody still likes andy, right? phew! i was worried i was a total freak.

ok bro heres a thing --

after reading your comment on bolero...

et al...

technically there is no answer and never will be-- the "experience..." here in this reality ---

is really just that -- no karma -- no judgement and no afterlife -- as in the chirstian heaven...so to speak...

except that you simply transform and keep transforming -- -- take a new body or not --

having said that -- then sorrow follows the bliss of accomplised -- seeing of an idea...to its fruition...

the bliss is seeing the idea manifested -- as you say --

or the completion...

on a sidenote -- chk it out --

in the esoteric system of the "occult" Tarot system of the journey of the intiate -- the journey begins with the "fool..

card and ends up with the "World" card...however--- and heres the point -- some say the fool card is that last card -- not the first -- hence you return to innocence -- ah -- rebirth yet again...

to a state of being without a form again -- empty waiting to be filled -- or wanting...the anticipation of having the -- want -- manifested...the sorrow at its birth -- the post partum - sp?

the sorrow -- is ?

knowing that nothing is important -- or is it --?/

tell me ??

knowing that god is everywhere --

yes?

so whats after that ?? 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>

Iam a poet

destined to live my life

always in love and grief...

always hearing the voices of angels...

iam volatile and angry --

an angry angel that just wants to go home --

wants to be wrapped in god 

wants the world to disappear

wants to be eaten by demons 

and become their envy --

wash it all away

explode into a thousand  heavens -- and then wash upon the shore....

rested and clean...restored -- 

>>tell me about ur dreams Seany boy...

>>

>>

>beautiful stranger -

>

>i dream of flying....

>I dream that Iam powerful

>that i can change the weather and levitate cars...

>that the world spills out of me...

>that i know all pain and forgive it....

>i dream of guys

>of laying next to them -

>of them falling a sleep while i tonugue their butts

>of them kissing me

>me kissing them

>

>i dream of holding hands...

>i dream of dying...

>and then flying again...

>

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Christian/ Bateman's Comment:

"In fits of rage the universe tore us apart

The Earth sprung us back from the outer crust of Magma

A violent volcano shot us back together

As one

As two lost souls, neither fit for death nor deserving to live

The angels whispered of our love

As we found each other once again

Our lips met

Worlds ceased to turn

The passion was reborn and our bodies melted into one another

We were reborn as one, never to part once again

Love everlasting"

>

> 

Date: Mar 7, 2007 4:14 PM

Subject NETWORK the movie --

Body: kirk's world -- my rant -- here ya go--

if you identify you just let me know --

today i feel like the bastard child of Howard Beale...

HOWARD BEALE is the main character from the film:

NEWORK...

reprinted below is his - genius -- live "TV" sppech from the film that told people to go to their windows....

and scream...out of them ::

"IAM MAD AS HELL AND IA'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE -- "

all week long I'am getting people e mailing me -- calling me and writing me letters saying their addictions are going through the roof, I'am getting feelings of wanting out and a general sense of pain and fear and panic --

it seemns to be going around now - and since iam the "psychic" barometer..in a nsense I thought I'd report back...to you --

Yes -- if your having a hard time right now-- then your not alone ......

so try to weather the storm...it seems like everyone is being thrown off the ride -- so to speak...and people are breaking down...

why ?

becuase through all the immsonia//ambien haze and over medications and the fear and all the things you see in the media -- its truly overwhelming....

and territfying...

and yeah kinda exhilerating at the same time -- but no -- my resources are so tight now -- everything seems at a breaking point...in Mnahattan specifically and in the world in general...right ?

Manhattan specifically:

were being bleed to death from the greed in this city right now and yeah i think the whole mess is ready to fall apart...

people cant pay their bills...they are losing their jobs and the people are not walking through the door -- no one is spending money b/c we can only aford the necessities....but anything else goes short...

the ends are not meeting...

there trying to jack up my rent -- the rents are sky rocketing everyday....

no one can afford to live here anymore and its the extremly poor or the insanely wealthy that will soon inhabit this city -- but the shoe shiners -- the waiters-- the middle man -- the average person cant live here anymore --

and guess what -- the true "life" of the city and what made it so great to be here is nearly and almost gone...

the artists in the streets and the creative people that give the "juice..."

the life to the streets are fleeing the city or going bankrupt or they had just "had it"....

they dont wanna be here anymore...its too intense -- and not in a good way the way it used to be....

kinda cool and things were hapening,,,,

art for arts sake is gone replaced by clever commerce...but alas - it all turns to "entertainment" and clever "stylish" "over desinged" pieces with no soul....

no the soul of manhattan has been bled dry by the spec -- real steate markets and all the "yuppy-esque" wanna bes playing around with their trust funds...

but alas..you go to the East villiage for something cutting edge and you just more of that clever-ness but no theres no food to eat in a spiritual sense...

theres nothing that really is art -- or creative...

the "pulse" is gone....

now this city -- is -- has become a stale -- lifeless "white" suburb of boston....

where once it was the center piece of vitality and creativity --

now its simply a dried up -- veneer...of corp-- monsters sucking the life out of everyone who comes into contact with it --

granted the tourists are showing up to see it all before it breaks into pieces...strangglled of course by unchecked greed and limitiations and fear...and

uncertainty...

oonce was a time when you could get an aprtment -- take a "stragith" job to do your dream gigs....and create....ok thats drying up....b/c those people are fed up and yeah its just not worth it to live here anymore -- b/c all your energies are going to simply trying to just keep your head above water...

so while the ultra rich of this city send their houseboys to fill up the hummers with gas -- paid for on the backs of all the twenty year olds on the front lines who will die for blah blah blah --

and they walk around in fur coats -- carrying the bad karma of the animals they killed and it costs as much as would pay my rent for ten years...

and yeah they de-funded the arts...

so yeah after that -- corp sponsorship followed but also brings the demon of censorship....well is it any wonder -- that were tired and starved and hungry - and depleted and saying you know what -- i really dont care if anyone sees my spirit or my creativity....or soulful...ah light --

I'am packing my bags and I'am outta here...

right --

does any one feel me on this -- maxed yet -- ?

sucked dry by the greed machine yet - ?

evicted yet ?

the center does not hold -- ?

the domino effect....

when people are - and begin to start breaking down and realize its all falling aprt and the middle base of the center disappears comeletley -- then it falls out in concnetric circles...

dont punish me -- I'am trapped in it like everyone else...

and dont know what to do --

sucked dry here bro....

iam just trying to hold my position....

ok then onto the film:

Network....if u havent seen it then i suggest you just get on over to block buster or your net flixx que and see it again...

heres the famous speech --

be good

iam out

theres my rants...

his and mine below --

heres the sad part --- now were all so medicated and toxified from all the cemicals in the water and food and noise and immsomnia that well we dont even know how just be mad -- or cant be -- why cuz wwere all just exhausted....

i suggest at this time you just let go or be dragged....

b/c when the bees take off -- and they are fleeing all the over the country -- yep the bees are taking off bros and theres the sign -- times up -- but on what ?

ah i wish i knew...

love always

sean sean

kirk tv

Program Director: Take 2, cue Howard.

Beale: I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth; banks are going bust; shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter; punks are running wild in the street, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it.

We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. And we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be!

We all know things are bad -- worse than bad -- they're crazy.

It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone."

Well, I'm not going to leave you alone.

I want you to get mad!

I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your Congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street.

All I know is that first, you've got to get mad.

You've gotta say, "I'm a human being, goddammit! My life has value!"

So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell,

"I'm as mad as hell,

and I'm not going to take this anymore!!"